Fear of Engulfment
Those who have a fear of engulfment are afraid of being controlled, dominated, or "losing themselves" in a relationship.
This is a real fear. I will become overwhelmed with panic and fear. I will exit quickly and never think twice. It is that feeling that people get with snakes or spiders, but mine is with controlling and manipulating people.
Many years ago I was in a very abusive relationship; physically, mentally and emotionally. At first he loved me for the person I was; fun and bubbly. Once we were in a committed relationship he hated all aspects of what originally drew him to me. He hated my family and my friends and anything I did to grow myself, or anything I enjoyed he hated as well. I was with someone who wanted to control every aspect of who I was and change me into someone I was not. After years I was someone I didn't recognize any longer. I looked down all the time, I was scared to speak to anyone for fear of his jealousy. I eventually made the decision to leave and I never looked back. I promised myself I would never be in a situation that made me feel that way every again.
So this piece is personal for me. This piece represents my real fear of being controlled by another, not in control at all, trapped, confused, scared, small. This piece design came to me in my sleep. I woke up and saw this piece perfectly as it should be.
Mixed Media Assemblage. app. 5.5 inches wide by 30 inches long. Hand sculpted paperclay figure.
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